•๋●On ‘A Wednesday’•๋●

It is precisely a year, and it was just one word ‘Hi’. I thought it to be just another casual conversation which would end in one session. Lost and disappointed from life, staring hopelessly on the screen, I spotted you. I don’t know what? ….what made me say ‘Hi’ to you. It was 18th of August, 08. Time rolled on and before I could realize a year came to an end. A year of hope and despair, a year of laughter and tears, a year of endless effort. Effort to make you realize what life is all about, effort to help you understand humans, and above all yourself. Effort to bring you out from the darkness.

If you can recall and realize from all the past efforts of mine that from day one the driving force was to fill the emptiness of your life. But probably you never realized that. Parallely, I was putting in efforts to redefine your beliefs and values, so that you can live a more enriching life. My efforts were perceived as my attitude problem. The more I tried to show you the reality of life, with an intention that you may come out of illusions and live a more rewarding life, the more you attacked me.
You talk of human goodness. Is betraying anyone is human goodness? Is being revengeful to someone who has never harmed you is human goodness? Is using people for pleasure is human goodness? Is deception human goodness? This is all you have being doing. You ask for forgiveness. Forgiveness is given for mistakes. And that which happens once/rarely is a mistake. Which happens again and again is not a mistake, it is a habit. You are habitual to wrong-doings and sins. It is like your second nature.

I saw a ray of hope. I felt something is there in you which can change you, for your own betterment. I still don’t know whether my judgment was right or wrong. But you started attacking the one who came forward to your help. It was not easy for me, still I took the risk, and after every fall I stood up. But gradually and gradually I realized that during this effort of mine, to help you gain, I was loosing. I lost my peace, my family’s privacy and my own faith in goodness.

You have given me enough reasons not to trust anybody, not to help anybody and not to believe in human goodness. But I know that it would be a great loss to me only, if I start believing in all this; and I don’t want this to happen with me. I believe in the ‘Power’. I don’t have any power. Don’t be afraid of me. Whatever you have lost in your life, it is a punishment and warning from that ‘Power’. It is high time that you should start fearing this power, so that you may not loose any further.

My life came to a standstill, as I invested all of my emotions, time and energy in you. Believe me I am a very weak person – physically and mentally. I extracted all of me to give you. But now I know, I should move on with my life; don’t know where I’ll land up. And don’t even know whether I’ll be able to move on or not. Just too lost and exhausted.
But at least I want to try.

No tall claims-I have not given you my life, but have given you one precious year of my life and what all I could. Keep it safely; it is for your own sake. There are many more things which I wanted to make you realize but you have just left me hopeless and disappointed. Last but not the least- practice what all you preach. Do some self-introspection. Redefine your values and ethics, and mend your deeds before it is too late.

Bye, 23rd December, 2009.